


captured in serendipity

by littlesea



Category: TOMORROW X TOGETHER | TXT (Korea Band)
Genre: A little angst?, Choi Beomgyu-Centric, Established Choi Soobin/Choi Beomgyu, Feelings, It’s mostly Beomgyu just... vibing with his feelings, M/M, Overuse of the word Home, other members aren’t mentioned i’m so sorry
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-11-11
Updated: 2020-11-11
Packaged: 2021-03-10 00:34:01
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,304
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/27505393
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/littlesea/pseuds/littlesea
Summary: He’s grown up, updated himself, fixed things and he’s moved on. While his hometown had continued to move on, so had he.orBeomgyu finally gets the time to go home and visit his hometown, but realizes it’s no longer his home and that he’s found it elsewhere.
Relationships: Choi Beomgyu/Choi Soobin
Comments: 15
Kudos: 61





	captured in serendipity

**Author's Note:**

  * For [trinitarias](https://archiveofourown.org/users/trinitarias/gifts), [sonria](https://archiveofourown.org/users/sonria/gifts).



> #### hello!
> 
> — this is just beomgyu feelings and there might not be a lot of soogyu but !! this fic revolves heavily around them even though soobin isn’t mentioned as much.  
> — unbeta’d and it’s probably so bad but i haven’t posted anything in awhile ! so here’s some soogyu brainrot  
> — this fic is dedicated to the people who i consider my ‘home’, i hope you enjoy, my stars  
> — based off of [homesick by will jay](https://youtu.be/ALxqO4u0R98)

“Beomgyu-yah! Over here!”

Beomgyu has just arrived at the airport in his hometown, having been able to set some time aside to come visit. The first thing he notices as he comes out of his airplane gate isn’t even his mother, but is instead the seemingly new renovated baggage claim. But, his mother calls out to him, and he rushes over to her.

“Welcome home, sweetheart,” Beomgyu’s mother coos, wrapping him up in her arms, tightly.

Beomgyu returns the hug and lets himself melt into her arms, makes a mental note that she still smells like fresh laundry and lavender, and is still the same constant anomaly in his life. 

It feels nice, being home again. He hasn’t been back in his hometown in the past few years, having been too busy with his newly appointed manager position at a major company to book a flight to visit like he had used to do before. 

After having stopped at the baggage claim to pick up his luggage, his mother leads him out of the airport whilst asking him questions, but not letting him answer. The automatic doors open to the outside and Beomgyu quickly moves his hand to cover his eyes from the sunshine, squinting his eyes to help them adjust.

Once his eyes adjust to the sudden brightness, he takes a good look around and slowly stops walking after getting distracted by the scenery, whilst his mother continues her trek to the car. Beomgyu looks around, takes in the view and he feels his heart rate pick up, lets it settle in that he’s back home, but there’s a sudden tight feeling taking over his chest and he creases his eyebrows together in confusion. 

Something is… _off_.

“Honey?”

Beomgyu looks towards his mother, realizing how long he must have been standing in the same spot, as she’s now on the other side of the pedestrian crosswalk. Beomgyu shakes his head and starts walking to catch up to his mother, his footsteps echoing in his ears as they hit the ground. 

He can’t explain it, but being home doesn’t feel right, isn’t sitting well with him. He feels.. out of place, like he’s a tourist or as if he doesn’t belong here, even if this is where he was born and raised. 

He shoves the feeling down, labels it unimportant and pushes it aside, his attention focused on his mother chatting about what she has planned for dinner.

  
  


* * *

  
  
  
  


They’re driving and his mother takes an exit that he’s never heard of before, causing panic to strike in his chest.

“Eomma? Where are we going?” 

His mother, keeping her eyes on the road, laughs softly. “Home? What do you mean, Beomie-yah?”

Beomgyu tilts his head as he looks out the car window at the cars passing by, everything familiar but also completely unfamiliar. The feeling from before is back, causing Beomgyu to swallow around the lump in his throat. “This isn’t the way… home?”

 _Home_. 

The word suddenly feels foreign coming from his mouth, feels strange to let his lips mouth out the syllables into the world. He feels numb, out of place once again.

“Oh! This way is quicker, it takes off almost ten minutes from the drive. They built this new section of town.. Hm, last year I think? I can’t remember,” his mother laughs once again, stopping at a stoplight. She looks over at him quickly, before turning her attention back to the intersection. “There’s been a population increase, so the town’s thought it’d be a good idea to update itself.”

“Oh,” Beomgyu nods his head, tries to ground himself as his mother steps on the gas when the light turns green. It’s hard, trying to keep yourself from floating far away when the world is whizzing past quickly, without hesitation. He feels himself drift away, looking out the window at the blurry scenery. He can’t focus, so after a short few minutes, he closes his eyes and leans his head back, bumping against the headrest. 

His mother must notice his sudden change of mood, as the music on the radio gets turned up just a bit, flooding the car with noise to fill the silence. He usually knows what to say, but for once he’s at a loss for words, so he just lets whatever overplayed pop song that’s coming through the car speakers speak for him instead. 

  
  


* * *

  
  
  
  


“Hi,” Beomgyu whispers into his phone later that night. He’s walked into his childhood bedroom, noticing how everything is exactly as he left it all those years ago, but the throbbing pain from earlier is back, so he doesn’t dare look around at anything. Instead, he decides to hold his phone tightly to his ear and lean against the bedroom door, closing it softly.

Soft giggles filter in from the other line and Beomgyu suddenly feels so warm, feels like the heat has been turned up a notch even though it’s the end of the summer. 

“Beomie-yah,” Soobin coos from the speaker of his phone. “Did you arrive home safely? Have you eaten well? Are you getting ready for bed?”

Beomgyu rolls his eyes, but he lets a smile grace his features when he realizes Soobin can’t see him. What a shame.

“Hyung, you sound like Eomma when we got home,” Beomgyu laughs, shaking his head. “But, yes, I arrived safely. We just finished eating dinner not too long ago, and I’m not that tired so I haven’t gotten ready for bed yet.”

Soobin hums and it comes out a little staticky, but Beomgyu can feel the ache in his chest dissipate after a few moments. Talking to Soobin always made him feel better, regardless of the context of his mood. Just hearing the noises that Soobin makes, or his voice (even as static as it is right now) seems to make everything be replaced by a warmth untouchable.

The line goes quiet, except for Soobin’s soft breathing and Beomgyu tilts his head all the way back to look at the ceiling, begins to feel his eyes start to sting. His vision goes blurry for a second and he takes a sharp intake of breath.

“Gyu, baby? What’s wrong?”

He shakes his head, swallowing and blinking his sudden tears away. “Nothing, Bin. It’s stupid anyways.”

“No, don’t say that,” Soobin speaks loudly, making Beomgyu freeze, taken aback by Soobin’s sudden outburst. “What you feel is important so please don’t say that. It’s okay, if you don’t want to talk about it. But, I’m here… Okay? I’ll always be here.”

Beomgyu is quiet and suddenly the ache is back, but this time he feels it settle into his bones, into his soul. He can’t seem to put a name to this feeling that’s attached itself to him, but he wants it to go away and never bother him again.

He lets out a shaky breath and swallows, his voice cracking as he lets out a quiet, “I miss you.”

The line is quiet for a moment before Soobin’s there, right where he needs him to be, whispering sweet nothings into his ear, regardless of the distance between them.

“I miss you too, baby,” Soobin whispers softly. “You haven’t even been gone for a full day yet, and I’m already so lonely. How am I supposed to last the next two weeks?”

Beomgyu sniffles, moving the sleeve of his sweater up to his nose to rub at it, then drops his hand to his side again. “I can come back sooner, you know.”

“No, no. You stay out there, enjoy being home for a while.”

There’s the word again — _home_.

Beomgyu wants to tell Soobin that this isn’t his home, not anymore at least, and that his home is somewhere else now. He wants to tell Soobin how he truly feels, how their apartment is home, that Soobin’s comforting aura is home, but he’s too scared to say anything. So, he bites his tongue and hums.

“I wish you were here with me,” he mumbles, looking down at his free hand. “Eomma wants to meet you, like… as soon as possible.”

Soobin laughs, and Beomgyu can feel the vibrations it sends to his core. He smiles, rolls his eyes fondly.

“Tell her I’ll visit next time. Big boss man wouldn’t let me take the time off,” Soobin sighs. Beomgyu remembers how upset Soobin had been when he told Beomgyu he couldn’t come with him, that their boss said he needed Soobin for an upcoming big project instead. He was absolutely heartbroken and kept sulking the few days that remained up until Beomgyu had left. 

“I will. I’ll remind her every time she brings it up,” Beomgyu says in response. “Which is like, every half hour.”

More laughter. 

“Stop exaggerating, Beomie-yah,” Soobin laughs breathlessly into the receiver, and Beomgyu can imagine they’re both smiling widely, eyes sparkling.

“Okay, okay. Maybe it’s like, every hour. But, jokes aside, I will tell her so you better keep your promise, yeah?”

“Of course. I’ll bring her a gift and everything,” Soobin says, assuringly. “Now, go take a nice hot shower and get some sleep, okay? We can call again tomorrow when you aren’t busy.”

Beomgyu whines. “That’s so much effort!”

“Beomgyu,” Soobin warns, but Beomgyu can hear his smile, no threat present.

“Fine,” he groans. “I’ll go.”

“Good baby,” Soobin coos. “Text me before you sleep?”

“Of course, who do you take me for?”

“Okay, baby. I love you,” Soobin whispers, sleep blurring the edges of his voice.

Beomgyu smiles, suddenly shy. “Love you too, idiot.”

Beomgyu hangs up the phone and holds it to his chest, wishing Soobin was in his arms instead of being so far away.

The warmth slowly fades away, leaving Beomgyu feeling cold, empty and alone. 

  
  
  


* * *

  
  
  


The next week passes by and Beomgyu is exhausted, but he feels a tiny bit lighter than he did the first few days he had arrived.

He’s spent the last few days visiting all the places that have recently been built with his mother, teaching his family’s pet bird Toto new tricks, hanging out with his mother and her friends, and when he had time to himself, he would head to all the places he used to hang out when he was younger; the park a few blocks away, the empty skate park that was covered from one end to the other in graffiti, the old diner his friends and him would hang out at after band practice. 

It was a lot, being productive and active every single day (he normally sat at a desk all day, sue him for being out of shape), but it helped distract him from the ache that had slowly started to numb his bones, making him feel anxious every time he remembered a small little detail of the past.

He loved staying in his old room, his parents having not touched or changed any of it after he left for college, but there had been late nights recently, where he couldn’t sleep as the memories of him and his childhood friends hanging out flashed through his head like a film. 

It was lonely, sitting there on his twin mattress that was pushed against the wall, staring at the floor of his bedroom as he remembers spilling secrets and making obscene jokes, most of which he couldn’t remember.

Beomgyu knows it shouldn’t hurt, but even going down the stairs of his parent’s house stung because they had moved all the furniture around. Things that had stayed the same his entire life, things that had been permanent (or seemed, in this case), were slowly changing and he had never given permission for those things to do so. 

Maybe he was being entitled or being a brat, but he couldn’t help but feel that way. 

He feels a little lost, out of place in the place he had grown up. There were new people, new places, new things that took him by surprise, made him confused.

Is it normal, Beomgyu wonders, to feel this way? To feel like you don’t belong in the place that once used to be yours? To feel like the world has moved on without you, taking major steps ahead of you and knocking you off course? 

He really hopes it’s normal, to feel like such an outsider in a place he once called home.

  
  
  


* * *

  
  
  
  


He’s called Soobin and texted him every day since he’s been gone, but it doesn’t lessen the fire that’s slowly licking its way through his veins. 

For weeks, he complained about how he wanted to go home, how he wanted to see his parents again, to remind himself of where he came from. But now, he’s here. He’s home, but he’s so restless and he’s been having trouble sleeping and feeling comfortable and he wants to go home, but he doesn’t even know where _home_ is anymore. He feels like a child who can’t make up their mind between two candies at the grocery store. 

He just wants Soobin, at this point, and it’s driving him insane. Soobin always knows how to put what Beomgyu’s feeling into proper words, helps Beomgyu feel at peace with himself when he doesn’t have the answers to all the questions that constantly plague his mind.

He decides to distract himself once more, and for the first time since he arrived, he walks into the bathroom just across the hall from his room, turns on the light, and takes a good long look at himself in the mirror.

The last time he looked at himself in this mirror, he was a scrawny little teenage boy who had no idea what the world had in store for him. He didn’t know going off to college would change his life, that he would make so many new friends, experience life changing events, and even fall in love.

He’s taller, more broad. He’s grown into his face more than before, his skin doesn’t feel foreign anymore, feels more at ease within his body than he ever did back then, and something clicks in his brain in that moment that makes him realize that he’s just like his hometown.

He’s grown up, updated himself, fixed things and he’s moved on. While his hometown had continued to move on, so had he. 

“Beomgyu! Dinner!”

Beomgyu looks into the mirror once more, making eye contact with himself. He gives himself a once over, feels a little more complete, more stable than before and he nods to himself, flicking the light off and walking down the hall and down the stairs to the kitchen.

He leaves in a few more days.

  
  
  
  
  


* * *

  
  
  
  
  


It’s the night before his flight and Beomgyu is taking a little midnight stroll down his neighborhood's sidewalk. 

The sun is gone, the street lights are illuminating what they can, and all Beomgyu can hear is the sound of his shoes scuffing the sidewalk every so often along with the chirps of crickets. 

He looks around his neighborhood, watches the exhale of his breath come out like smoke in the air, then fade into nothingness. It’s gotten significantly chillier outside as the days have passed, and Beomgyu runs his hands together in an attempt to warm them up. 

He’s spent the last few days thinking about life (Beomgyu laughs at himself) and the general idea of what home truly is. He had asked his mother about it earlier that day, asked her what home meant to her.

She had told him that home didn’t have to be a house, or anything of value. It could be a feeling, a person, it could be anything you wanted it to be, but it had to make you feel safe and loved, comfortable and secure. 

Beomgyu kept that in mind as he got ready for his walk, slipping on his shoes and coat, grabbing the house keys from the hook by the front door as he walked outside.

And so, he thinks. He thinks some more, and some more, and some more.

 _Home_. 

Suddenly, Beomgyu’s steps come to a halt and he stands in the middle of the empty road of his neighborhood. He looks to the sky, watches the stars and the earth turn, feels his entire body erupt in goosebumps as he realizes he’s nothing but a small minuscule puzzle piece of a larger picture of the universe. 

He means nothing to the universe, has no greater purpose than just existing. He isn’t the corner piece of the puzzle, he’s not even the middle piece; he’s just that oddly shaped piece that looks as if it won’t fit, like you’ll have to cram it into a space and hope it works out. 

Beomgyu hears the sound of a car approaching slowly, and he turns and moves towards the sidewalk. He feels embarrassed, feels awkward having been caught standing in the middle of the road in the late hours of the night. 

The car passes by, continues on its journey to its destination with ease and Beomgyu watches it, feels as if the universe must be trying to give him a sign.

“Hah,” he laughs to himself. 

The world continues on without him, here, in this town— his home. There’s so much that’s new; apartment buildings where there used to be trees, houses that had been the same for decades had been torn down. Everyone Beomgyu once used to know was gone, the cracks in the road that had been there since he was a child had been paved over, the street light on the corner of his block had been fixed, no longer flickering off and on. Even the air felt different, the atmosphere seemed to feel suffocating now, made Beomgyu feel like he couldn’t breathe and brought tears to his eyes.

It hits him then, in that moment, on the sidewalk of the neighborhood he grew up in, nothing but the orange-ish glow of the street lamp illuminating the dark of the night. The breeze blowing softly, the crickets chirping in the bushes, the sound of the world so far away.

This wasn’t Beomgyu’s home anymore. 

It hasn’t been his home for a while now, but Beomgyu never really understood what that had meant until now, never connected the dots. 

Beomgyu has always called this place his home, with the idea that this was the place he grew up, was raised here, not that this was where he belonged. 

No, not anymore. 

This place was his home, but he found a new one in the arms of a tall, lanky boy with dimples as deep as the craters on the moon, eyes that resembled the stars, and a warmth that put the sun to shame.

Home is a place where you are loved unconditionally, a place where you can be who you truly are without barriers or judgement. It’s a place where you feel the most safe, a place that makes you feel treasured and appreciated, a place that doesn’t care if you don’t put your dirty clothes in the laundry basket three days in a row. It’s a place that can never be replaced by something else, a place that has no monetary value to the world but means the world to you — and Beomgyu found that in _Soobin_. 

_Soobin_ is his home. 

That’s where he belongs now, nestled tightly into the empty spaces of _Soobin_ , making them two halves of a whole. They aren’t perfect — oh, no, they are far from it — but they’re perfect for each other, doing their best to balance each other out with just the right amount of everything. They have cracks, flickering street lights, lots of trees (or plants, in Soobin’s case) and they have so many memories that Soobin’s arms should be classified as ‘home’ because that’s exactly what it is.

And god, he couldn’t wait to go home.

**Author's Note:**

> as always comments and kudos will be appreciated !! no pressure of course <3
> 
> if you would like to reach me, here’s my [curiouscat!](https://curiouscat.qa/tdcmage) you can also send in prompts and i can try my best to write them!


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